Why playing it safe isn’t always best

It makes sense to avoid the risks involved with hazardous things, like jumping off a cliff without a parachute. However, when it comes to getting out of an unfulfilling relationship or job those same cautious instincts can backfire.

Because change seems, scary we believe that it posses a greater risk than sticking with the status quo. However, we often fail to factor in how not taking a risk can lead to an unfulfilling life. As well as all the things we could be missing out on. Consider the following if you are on of the many that play it safe.

Get out of your comfort zone
Many people don’t like to “rock the boat” especially once they obtain some level of success. The downside of this is that you no longer “play to win” instead, you “play to lose”. Experts confirm that this approach of hesitation and second guessing rarely lead you to the desired outcome. Because what you are doing is subconsciously scaling back our efforts and robing yourself of chances to flourish.

In order to “play to win” you have to acknowledge your fear of the unknown in a proactive way. If you are scared of setting up starting your own business or going after that promotion at your company, list your hesitation and ask yourself how you’d handle the worst case scenario. By looking at specific what ifs, you can evaporate some fears and give yourself the confidence boost to get back in the game.

 Stop waiting for the right moment
A lot of us put of doing things we dream of, like taking that dream vacation or starting our own business, because we are holding out for the best conditions possible. What we forget is by waiting for the right moment we may never accomplish these things. Iris Songivliano, a clinical psychologist in New York City said it best when he said “In order to be dealt a winning hand, you have to be in the game.

Rather than waiting around for the right moment, go after what you want. Create your opportunities by setting tiny yet, specific goals. If you always wanted to start your business, you can start by doing some research, figure out what it would take by drafting a business plan. Same goes if you always wanted to visit Germany. Decide which season you would like to go and then read a travel book on the city.

Since the brain interprets small everyday goals as easier to tackle then big lifelong goals, you’ll jump start a stalled mind-set to propel you toward reaching your ultimate outcome.

Don’t dwell on past disappointments
You, like many others, may allow only the negative memories or our past failures to impact your future decision-making. By doing this, you ignore all the positive things you’ve learned from earlier experiences. But the more you see the broader the picture surrounding life challenges, the faster and easier the trail to triumph will shift into focus.   

Is it a sin to be unhappy?

Have you ever been sitting in your room alone, ready to burst into tears, or possibly already in tears and no one knows it. No one even knows that anything is wrong because you don’t want them to know. You walk through your life with a smile that hides the frown in your heart, hoping that no one guesses because you don’t want to seem unhappy?

Our society has made it almost impossible for anyone to be openly unhappy. Look at the way we treat those who have come out of the “unhappy closet.”  They’re seen as bad luck, as if being unhappy is a disease that spreads to others, they are often ignored, and in many cases asked to just get happy, as if they are choosing to be unhappy. 

What we’ve been taught is that if we’re going to be unhappy, do it on our own time where no one else has to deal with it. Thus the 14 year old who is battling depression struggles on their own. The 30 year old business man who is grieving has to leave his sadness at the door and the elderly woman who feels alone has to find a way to just get over it.

What’s more, being unhappy  is thought of as so taboo that one must cure it immediately, eat something, buy something, and leave the country if you have to, but fix your unhappiness. But the problem is, if I can’t be open about being unhappy, how am I going to get happy again?

The problem with happiness is it’s become synonymous with joy. It’s not. Joy is a great spiritual feeling that sits inside of you. Happiness is an emotion. And like all emotions it comes and goes. You may wake up one morning feeling happy, but by the end of the day enough has happened to make you unhappy. Happiness is always linked with something external. We fall in love, we’re happy. We go on a great vacation and we’re happy but if we lose that love we naturally become unhappy. Because happiness is not something that is meant to be experienced consistently we as a society need to stop pressuring people to always be happy. Negative things happen that make us unhappy and allowing ourselves to just feel unhappy actually helps you to heal from it faster.

But when you are forced to grin and bear it, you actually prolong your unhappiness. For one, you’re keeping a secret that causes you stress. It would be easier to say, I broke up with someone and I’m having a hard time with it, instead of pretending to fine.

Two, you are forcing yourself to be in an unnatural state. Can you force yourself to be angry when you’re not? Probably not, and you can’t force yourself to be happy when you’re not. But when we can’t admit our unhappiness that’s exactly what we’re doing. It’s like living two lives, the fake happy one and the real unhappy one. 

Three, you become target to more unhappiness. When one thing is wrong it seems more follows. Because you are trying to suppress all that unhappiness, you’re actually very sensitized to it. All it takes it is one word or action and it all comes back up. You’re more vulnerable. It’s like carrying a large stack or plates, you’re so focused on keeping it under control, but even the smallest nudge can make it all come down.  The littlest things start to get to you, and the simple unhappiness becomes a deep depression.

Being unhappy isn’t a sin, it’s a perfectly natural reaction to negative events in our lives. It’s to help us know and understand what we don’t like and what to avoid. It’s an emotion, like anger and sadness and it comes and goes.

How to let go

Letting go of things is difficult for many people. Most of us know that we cannot enter into our new lives until we have let go of our old ones. Everyone always tells us the same story; you have to let go of the pain from a previous event in order to make life changes. Everything usually starts and ends with letting go in one way or another. We understand this, and consider it good advice, but we don’t understand how to do it. And we struggle to do it for the long term. How are you supposed to fully release negative thoughts and feelings and let in positive ones? Is it even possible?

It is! But in order to begin, and to fully let go you, have shift the way you look at yourself.

 Virtually everyone looks and themselves and recognizes themselves as a physical entity: a mind and a body. Those that are spiritual will include a spirit or soul to themselves, but still it is the physical they focus on. When they have to deal with an issue, they do it with body and their mind. Some place a lot of emphasis on their mind-- thinking before they act, and some rule with their body-- doing before thinking. Thus, when they have to let go they either think their way out of it, or act their way out of it. And because they are physically doing something they feel proud and successful. But all things physical have limits.

The body can only do so much. But if you rule with your spirit or soul the way you look at the world changes and it suddenly becomes easier to let go. To do this you must think of yourself as a soul with a body, not just a body.  Your soul comes from, and is connected to, a high source of energy, it never tires, and this energy is love so it cannot produce negativity. So think of your soul as you read on with the steps.

In order to fully let go:

1. You have to replace it with something constructive. When you get rid of anything, you immediately need something else to replace it. You can’t break a habit, addiction or even pattern of thinking without replacing it with a new habit, addiction or pattern of thinking.

Because you are purely a soul, you want to replace those bad habits and thoughts with something constantly positive. So read positive and inspiring works and pray. Learn to pray not just to for the ability to let go, but also thank God for allowing you to recognize that you need to let go. When you pray, you connect further with that source of love, this helps to replace all that is negative with something very positive. Praying is free,  can be done anywhere, and it is uncomplicated. If you are nervous and are not sure what to say simply say ‘I do exist and I need you in my life, so please continue to bless me’

2. Be patient. Everyone wants their problems to go away quickly, but waiting, and learning to wait is something that is part of letting go.

3. Help someone else. Don’t sit around twiddling your thumbs while you wait, help someone. When we help others we are not only reducing their problems we reduce our own. As a soul, it is in you to help. Take some time to listen to someone, do something for someone or just remind someone that they are beautiful and special. Do this daily.

4. Focus on the present and the person you want to be. One of the biggest reasons why people fail to let go isn’t because they don’t try, but they try as the person they were in the past. They use their past thoughts and emotions to guide them. To avoid this, focus on yourself in the here and now and how you want to be today. If you were teased and you want to let go of that past then stop making decisions as that teased person.  You, as a soul, can only live in today and souls consider themselves already successful in everything they do, so your soul will already feel as if it is healed and will take you through your day as a healed person not a teased one.

5. Forget pride. Everyone who battles with letting go is battling with a form of pride. Pride is defined in many ways, and the pride that keeps you from letting go is the pride that does not want you to imagine that there is something bigger and greater than itself. It is also the pride that keeps you from admitting that you are making mistakes. By mistakes I mean spiritual ones, not necessarily physical ones. If you can’t let go of a past breakup there is a prideful reason for it. Your pride does not want you admit that chose to bring someone negative into your life or it may not want to accept that it is over. Your pride also refuses to let you grasp on the loving energy of God. It could be anger or disbelief, but pride is putting something in the way of you and him and keeping you in the negative. Pride is the most difficult thing to release. It is pride that keeps the negative thoughts and feelings. Pride likes to see you fail, because then you will stop thinking of your soul and return to a state of physical, seeking only physical things to help you.   

To fully let go, stop thinking of yourself as just a body or mind, but as a soul and focus on your soul. Replace past thoughts and habits with new loving ones. Be patient with yourself and others, and while waiting, help someone. Keep focused on the present and don’t let pride keep you from making changes and progress.