When you feel life is unfair remember this

When you feel life is unfair--that the pressure is too much, or you are exhausted from trying, remember that the flowers must start out as buds. They must wait for the rains and the sun to come and go. Up and out from the ground, they must push themselves in order to be the beauties we all stop and admire. Do not be afraid of life's challenges. Celebrate the rain, the sun, and before long you will be like the blossomed flower: beautiful and admirable.

Photo is my own. The wild rose is native to my Province.

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The process of becoming perfect

“Call me when you have your shit together” I’ve never liked this phrase, because although it implies that you won’t settle, it also imposes a certain amount of pressure to be perfect on the person being told to “get their shit together.” When my friend said it recently, I wasn’t able to hide my dislike for the phrase and replied “do you know how hard it is to get your shit together?”

“Do you have any idea how much support it takes to get your shit together?”

“People don’t just magically wake up with their shit together. They have to go throw a very trying, difficult, challenging and sometimes insecure periods of their life in order to become the person they want to be.”

I look at humans at works of art in progress and let’s be honest most us appreciate the final product of great art. But no great art magically got like that. Someone put a lot of time and effort to create it, so as much praise as the final product should get an even greater amount of appreciation should go towards the actual process of its creation.

Like any goal, it takes work and hours of commitment to achieve that goal. If you’ve ever achieved any level of success you’ll know what I’m talking about. You have to go through an unglamorous period where you’re building yourself whether that be your self-esteem, your skill, your knowledge etc.

The problem with many people is they don’t always take time to appreciate the process.  They don’t get enthusiastic about becoming who they want to be; they simply want to be it.

They don’t decide to like themselves until they have reached that goal. When they look in the mirror and see someone worthy of their love then they like themselves and feel more confident in seeking love from someone else.

 This imposition of perfection on themselves seeps out where they unknowingly expect it from others. They don’t want to deal with the “seed” of a person they want the blossomed flower—pretty and perfect. 

The frightening part about this is you are not given permission to fail and go through the “unpretty” stages of life freely. You’re just supposed to somehow “get your shit together. But unless you are able to go through the process of creating who you want to become with as much freedom to fail as you would have to succeed, it’s very difficult to successfully do it.

Humans are always under construction; we are never “finished products.” We become and desire different things in different stages in our lives. In other words, we will never truly have our shit together. All we can do is try and if you are diligently trying then what more should you ask of yourself or even anyone else.

What I think the world needs is less demand on being super beings and more acceptance of being who we feel makes us happy.

I asked my friend, “Wouldn’t you want someone who was willing to be with you in all stages of your life so long as you were trying.  Whether you’re a master in your field, up and coming or are picking yourself up after a heartbreaking fall, wouldn’t you like someone that is willing to be both encouraging and sympathetic.”

We should be patience and enthusiastic about our life and with others. We should see that the seed of a rose and the last decaying petal is still a rose—not demand that it quickly grow into its beauty and then remain like that forever. 

Change Me 2012

Change seems to be falling from the sky. I let it crash upon me without dodging. There is no time to ask for more time. Today is here. Yesterday is buried. All the yesterdays made a circle of 365 that tic toced away until before I realized I was standing in the exact place I had when the clock struck 12 last year. But I wasn't the same. Things aren't the same. Change fell. I let it fall on me. But I stand here feeling childish, like a school girl going to her first class for the first time. I felt, I had not grown. Time moved. I watched it, but I didn't move with it. Was it fatigue or was it fear? I can't tell. But my long sock are as higher in spirits than me.
The year felt shorter than my skirt, yet ballooned to exaggerate and falsify more .

I watched the days like a movie. Seeing the characters, me, play their part and only being able to watch. There is only one show playing, my life, and I can't do much more but watch and wait for a change in scene. Change is coming. I talk  back to the show, wishing the characters could hear me, the way you yell out during a horror flick "don't go into the basement." It's like when you cover your eyes at the scary parts, but behind your shut eyes you can still see everything that is happening. The show plays on whether you want to watch or not. The show doesn't end it simply changes. New roles, new lessons, new feelings, but the same show.

I try to kick away the school girl feelings. "Grow up" I say, "grow." Time is moving and you're still at the same place. My height is tall; my courage measures short. I still close my eyes at the scary parts. And like a backward Cinderella, I expect everything the be different at the stroke of 12. As if everything will be fairytale happy after screaming out New Year cheers. It won't. Like Cinderella things will go back to the same, unless I make a change. There will be change. Change is already falling and I'm not moving out of it's way. Come forth my tomorrow, my new year. Give me new lessons, new moments, something new. Give me change.

Check shirt: thrifted
Tie: thrift
Vest: Smart Set
Skirt:Urban Behavior
Knit Socks: Unknown
Heels: thrift

xox followers and readers.  Thanks for stopping  by

Why playing it safe isn’t always best

It makes sense to avoid the risks involved with hazardous things, like jumping off a cliff without a parachute. However, when it comes to getting out of an unfulfilling relationship or job those same cautious instincts can backfire.

Because change seems, scary we believe that it posses a greater risk than sticking with the status quo. However, we often fail to factor in how not taking a risk can lead to an unfulfilling life. As well as all the things we could be missing out on. Consider the following if you are on of the many that play it safe.

Get out of your comfort zone
Many people don’t like to “rock the boat” especially once they obtain some level of success. The downside of this is that you no longer “play to win” instead, you “play to lose”. Experts confirm that this approach of hesitation and second guessing rarely lead you to the desired outcome. Because what you are doing is subconsciously scaling back our efforts and robing yourself of chances to flourish.

In order to “play to win” you have to acknowledge your fear of the unknown in a proactive way. If you are scared of setting up starting your own business or going after that promotion at your company, list your hesitation and ask yourself how you’d handle the worst case scenario. By looking at specific what ifs, you can evaporate some fears and give yourself the confidence boost to get back in the game.

 Stop waiting for the right moment
A lot of us put of doing things we dream of, like taking that dream vacation or starting our own business, because we are holding out for the best conditions possible. What we forget is by waiting for the right moment we may never accomplish these things. Iris Songivliano, a clinical psychologist in New York City said it best when he said “In order to be dealt a winning hand, you have to be in the game.

Rather than waiting around for the right moment, go after what you want. Create your opportunities by setting tiny yet, specific goals. If you always wanted to start your business, you can start by doing some research, figure out what it would take by drafting a business plan. Same goes if you always wanted to visit Germany. Decide which season you would like to go and then read a travel book on the city.

Since the brain interprets small everyday goals as easier to tackle then big lifelong goals, you’ll jump start a stalled mind-set to propel you toward reaching your ultimate outcome.

Don’t dwell on past disappointments
You, like many others, may allow only the negative memories or our past failures to impact your future decision-making. By doing this, you ignore all the positive things you’ve learned from earlier experiences. But the more you see the broader the picture surrounding life challenges, the faster and easier the trail to triumph will shift into focus.   

Sweet September

September is my favorite month. It’s undeceive and compromising. With it we find the colorful death of summer. It is kind enough to make us bid adieu without a bleak or melancholic attitude.

It brings us winds of change that host cinnamon spices mixed with the sweet scent of what is left of summer. It contains a beauty woven into knitted scarfs and plaid skirts.

September says hello by awakening your senses and pulling out your dreams from the sandy castles of summer.

Not quite autumn but not entirely summery, September is a month for those that like to live in between and for those who enjoy both nostalgia and the hopes of a tomorrow not yet realized.

It is bitter sweet. It is gentle, cradling you in enough warmth to let you say goodbye. New beginnings and old memories live simultaneously in this month of colorful splendor.

 It can’t keep summer forever, but it can keep it long enough to let you remember you had it. It is a sneaky month, trading lush green grass for rainbow infused trees. You know the season is dying but it isn’t a death that is drenched in dreary despair. It is a death that reminds you that you are alive, the world is alive and a new season lives in place of the old one.

 Say farewell to your summer wishes; let them slumber, and trade them for the dreams of September. 

GIF credit:  http://geekchiic.tumblr.com/post/9668441602        

9 things you can change about your body

You’re not perfect, no one is. But don’t you wish you were. Wouldn’t it be nice if you could erase all you imperfections and be left with the body you’ve always wanted? Below are 9 things that you can change about your body.

1. Your energy and endurance.
You can boost your energy with cardio. Try mixing periods of vigorous excise with easier sports, such as intervals of brisk walks.

2. Your posture
Want a pin straight posture? Try some strength training. This helps to flatten your abs and can even make you half an inch taller. Twice a week try lying face down, lift arms and legs several inches off the floor, hold and then release. Do two sets of 12 reps. In about eight weeks you will look taller and straighter.

3. Your grace and balance
Feeling out of balance? Get yourself to a yoga, dance or martial arts class. You may not be a pro at first, and even struggle with the movements but you will quickly improve and you will build what
experts call “muscle memory” your body will instinctively “remember” how to stay more stable in all
your daily activities.

4. The back of your arms
One of the easiest places to make over, you can tone your arms by putting your hands on the edge of chair seat; walk feet out , slowly bend elbows, hold for 10 seconds, press and then back up. Repeat
this five times. Do this two or three times a week and you’ll see changes in as little as two weeks.
If you want to smooth away back of arms bumps go for a lotion with lactic acid.

5. Your shoulders
If shoulder definition is what you are after, try push ups. It will not only define your shoulders but it can accentuate your waist, if you are an hour glass.

6. Your flexibility
Doing yoga regularly can make you limber. Not up for all the bending and twisting that yoga entails?
Try some simple stretches like reaching for the ground.

7. Your skin
Want beautiful, glowing skin that makes you look fresh and even? Drink water. Young men and women are more prone to poor skin tones due to dehydration. If you sip coffee all day and then suck down alcohol at night don’t expect to get a perfect skin tone.Water helps to keep you moist, this adds to its plumpness and elasticity. Aim for 64 ounces a day.

8. Your overall body fat percentage
By doing strength training and cardio you can lower the percentage of body fat you have and in turn you will transform the look of your entire body. Note that body fat is more important than the number on the scale. Because you can be slim and still have an unhealthy amount of body fat.

9. Your attitude about your body
So you're not perfect, so what! You still have plenty of sexy spots. Take an inventory of what’s good about your body and fall back on them when you feel vulnerable and insecure.  
    
Each and everyone of us wants and needs to be happy with our bodies

Are you a stress seeker without realizing?

It is said that everyone purposefully adds some stress to their life. Whether it is their conscious or their subconscious that direct the stress and drama to their lives, virtually everyone knowingly does something that causes them a type of pressure.

I know some people get a rush when they are under extreme pressure or anxiety. They are almost fueled by the drama around them, but I’m sure many of us would disagree with this notion, including myself. I’m someone who likes to keep things stress free. I don’t feel I seek drama, and I’m generally a very calm and relaxed person, so the idea of actually putting stress in my life seemed silly. But I was curious to find out if perhaps I do.

I started looking at my life and the lives around me noting moments of stress in people’s lives and put them into 3 categories.

1. Relationship stress. This is not exclusive to dating or marriage relationships, friendships and even collaborative pairings are included in this category. If you deliberately keep a person in your life that causes you stress and set about drama in your life you are among the stress seekers.

The fact is, no relationship, partnership, friendship has to be permanent. You have the choice and the power to leave, but something in you is choosing not to.

This doesn’t mean you like being stressed out by the people around you, but you’re not motivated enough to walk away. For some reason you’d rather stay with the drama then cut ties.

 This also applies to bringing new people into life. If every guy or girl you’ve dated has been over dramatic, or if your friends always seem to have bad news to tell you, you are in part playing a role. Subconsciously, you are finding and bringing these people into your life. It could be a need to help people and feel needed, perhaps you too are over dramatic, there are many reasons but there is a role you are playing in it all.

2. Financial stress. Never seem to have enough money in the bank? Do you find yourself worrying if you’re going be able to make that next bill payment? Money, like relationships is something that causes all of us some stress on some level. It’s not something we can completely control. But if you have no control over your spending, you are deliberately causing yourself stress. 

You can choose to walk in and out of a store without buying something; you can opt for a less expensive item. But if you are spending, and then worrying, you are knowingly bringing stress into your life. You may feel pressure to keep up with society; you may feel in control of things when you’re shopping regardless of the negative impact it will later have or you may be among the few whom, the more they spend the more motivated they are to work hard to make the money back. Somehow the nights spent awake worrying about your finances is caused by you.

3. Personal stress. This category could be broken up into little categories:  health, work, emotional illness, school, goals etc. We all experience some stress internally. But how much you experience could be a case of how much you are causing, not others.

 If you choose not to take active measures to improve your health, you’re to blame for its decline. This is something most of us agree on, but it also applies if you obsess over your health, or any aspect of your life. If you use working out as your main escape, you are in a sense causing yourself future stress, because suppose you can’t work out, how will you cope then?

Another example is people who take on too much. This could be the employee who overworks themselves, the student who takes on too many classes or extracurricular activities, the self help addict who is always nitpicking at themselves looking for more ways to improve and become perfect. 

Personal stress usually has a beneficial motive, if you work hard at your job, you’re more likely to get a promotion, make more money, provide for your family better—it all seems logical. But when this need to do and be better consumes you to the point where it is all you focus on, and find yourself feeling down on yourself when you don’t achieve more, you’re making your life more dramatic than it needs to be.

Some personal stress can be advantageous, as it is motivating to want to add a little pressure to yourself to try your best. However, to set unrealistic goals, or push yourself to someone else’s standards can and does have very negative consequences.

So which category did I find myself in? Shockingly, all of the above! In all aspects of my life I found myself causing myself unnecessary stress, despite the willingness to avoid it.

 I find myself keeping people in my life who emotionally bog me down for far longer than I should. Because I don’t like confrontation I often don’t speak up when someone hurts me.

When it comes to my finances, I try my hardest to save, but I don’t always go out of my way to find a cheaper alternative. It would be much easier to research and save then spend and complain.


In my personal goal life, I sometimes add too much to my plate. I’ll tackle too many projects, not putting my full focus on just one. This could stem from boredom with repetitive tasks or a fear that I may not get a chance to do everything I desire in life, so I mistakenly try to do it all at once.

Is this stress harmful? Maybe not to the point of destruction, I still have very good relationships with the people in my life, money in the bank and I can tell myself when to slow it down. But it does cause an unnecessary stress that I bring onto myself. 

Look into your life and see if you can pinpoint where and how you’re making your life more stressful than it should be.

How to let go

Letting go of things is difficult for many people. Most of us know that we cannot enter into our new lives until we have let go of our old ones. Everyone always tells us the same story; you have to let go of the pain from a previous event in order to make life changes. Everything usually starts and ends with letting go in one way or another. We understand this, and consider it good advice, but we don’t understand how to do it. And we struggle to do it for the long term. How are you supposed to fully release negative thoughts and feelings and let in positive ones? Is it even possible?

It is! But in order to begin, and to fully let go you, have shift the way you look at yourself.

 Virtually everyone looks and themselves and recognizes themselves as a physical entity: a mind and a body. Those that are spiritual will include a spirit or soul to themselves, but still it is the physical they focus on. When they have to deal with an issue, they do it with body and their mind. Some place a lot of emphasis on their mind-- thinking before they act, and some rule with their body-- doing before thinking. Thus, when they have to let go they either think their way out of it, or act their way out of it. And because they are physically doing something they feel proud and successful. But all things physical have limits.

The body can only do so much. But if you rule with your spirit or soul the way you look at the world changes and it suddenly becomes easier to let go. To do this you must think of yourself as a soul with a body, not just a body.  Your soul comes from, and is connected to, a high source of energy, it never tires, and this energy is love so it cannot produce negativity. So think of your soul as you read on with the steps.

In order to fully let go:

1. You have to replace it with something constructive. When you get rid of anything, you immediately need something else to replace it. You can’t break a habit, addiction or even pattern of thinking without replacing it with a new habit, addiction or pattern of thinking.

Because you are purely a soul, you want to replace those bad habits and thoughts with something constantly positive. So read positive and inspiring works and pray. Learn to pray not just to for the ability to let go, but also thank God for allowing you to recognize that you need to let go. When you pray, you connect further with that source of love, this helps to replace all that is negative with something very positive. Praying is free,  can be done anywhere, and it is uncomplicated. If you are nervous and are not sure what to say simply say ‘I do exist and I need you in my life, so please continue to bless me’

2. Be patient. Everyone wants their problems to go away quickly, but waiting, and learning to wait is something that is part of letting go.

3. Help someone else. Don’t sit around twiddling your thumbs while you wait, help someone. When we help others we are not only reducing their problems we reduce our own. As a soul, it is in you to help. Take some time to listen to someone, do something for someone or just remind someone that they are beautiful and special. Do this daily.

4. Focus on the present and the person you want to be. One of the biggest reasons why people fail to let go isn’t because they don’t try, but they try as the person they were in the past. They use their past thoughts and emotions to guide them. To avoid this, focus on yourself in the here and now and how you want to be today. If you were teased and you want to let go of that past then stop making decisions as that teased person.  You, as a soul, can only live in today and souls consider themselves already successful in everything they do, so your soul will already feel as if it is healed and will take you through your day as a healed person not a teased one.

5. Forget pride. Everyone who battles with letting go is battling with a form of pride. Pride is defined in many ways, and the pride that keeps you from letting go is the pride that does not want you to imagine that there is something bigger and greater than itself. It is also the pride that keeps you from admitting that you are making mistakes. By mistakes I mean spiritual ones, not necessarily physical ones. If you can’t let go of a past breakup there is a prideful reason for it. Your pride does not want you admit that chose to bring someone negative into your life or it may not want to accept that it is over. Your pride also refuses to let you grasp on the loving energy of God. It could be anger or disbelief, but pride is putting something in the way of you and him and keeping you in the negative. Pride is the most difficult thing to release. It is pride that keeps the negative thoughts and feelings. Pride likes to see you fail, because then you will stop thinking of your soul and return to a state of physical, seeking only physical things to help you.   

To fully let go, stop thinking of yourself as just a body or mind, but as a soul and focus on your soul. Replace past thoughts and habits with new loving ones. Be patient with yourself and others, and while waiting, help someone. Keep focused on the present and don’t let pride keep you from making changes and progress.

Change for the better

The quote above says "people change for the better, not for the worse." With God, they do. They adapt better, they cope better, they make better decisions, and they live and love better. Being on the other side, when I tried to change without him, didn't let me do a good job. I mean I was living, and I was changing, but I wasn't becoming someone I could be proud of. Perhaps it was because I was changing for the world, doing what those who live for external wanted me to do. But the external is limiting. You can only accomplish so much; you can only experience so much; and you can only change so much. But returning to the internal and the eternal eliminated the boundaries and limits. I changed fully, while still allowing myself to believe that God made me perfect. That in this moment, I can accept who I am and live as my best self.