Saturday, April 28, 2012

Favoritism in friendships Pt 3

If you've ever felt as if you've been put on the outside of a friendship, forced to watched your friends act out their lovely friendship then you may relate to this.

Often without warning, you start to notice one or more of your friends treat each other better than you. You feel left out, unloved, and as if you are losing your friends. It's not that your friends don't care for you but you notice that perhaps one of them is playing favorites and unfortunately, you're not the favorite friend.

This favoritism is seen in a number of ways: better gifts, longer and more frequent hangouts, shared secrets, being asked to attend important events, doing more favors, letting them get away with more, taking their side in an argument, constantly praising them, and simply being a different person (perhaps bubblier or nicer).

At first you don't want to think your friend is opting for another friend besides you; after all, you're all friends so why should they act so different towards them. Then you may question just that, why are they acting so different? Then you begin to get jealous and insecurties form that you are being replaced or demoted.

It's not a matter of being jealous of your friend but being resentful of the situation. Why is it alway them and not me? Why are they being treated so well and not me? I thought I was your friend too.

I've seen how a jealous friend can react in more than one incidence. They may try to sabatoge the friendship. They may act possessive over the friend playing favorites. They may decide to end the friendship with both parties or ask the favorite friend to choose.

Friendships are serious things and if you've ever felt like you were losing yours you'll know you it's not uncommon to act irrational.

However, before doing something that may end your friendship for good, consider talking to those who are hurting you. Explain that you feel left out and no longer part of the team. Let them know that while you are happy for their friendship, you don't want to lose the people close to you because of it.

You cannot always avoid becoming that friend that gets left out or second best, but you may be able to keep your friendship from going down under by talking about it. 

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