Banff: Mountains and Memories

The mountains and evergreens of Banff welcomed my friends and I this summer. A day was spent treking through the small town, while we took in the daily life of those that live there. Pastry shops, sushi and local boutiques were all stops along the way.

Though not far away, it feels like entering a different time. Perhaps it's the pace. Banff, being a small tow, feels like stepping into a time period where you still knew the nieghbor, and the local bar knows your order by heart.

 When you live in a place so long, without really venturing out (that includes outside your own perspective), you forget what it may look like to someone else. The drive to Banff had it's postcard picturesque moments that left me in awe of my own Province.

The rains began to fall; the fog decended, and the scene took on a a mystic eerie feel, that made one both worried and yet inspired. It's the kind of scene that is beautiful to stare at from ones window, safe indoors, but creates feelings of deep caution when you have to drive in it.

The rains slide down the mighty mountains, unaffecting it's majesty, and slipped into the lake, making little ripples that carried on seemingly endlessly. The weather was gratifying. Not too hot, nor too cold. The rains brought out the mosquitos who enthusiastically followed us through our walk.

One of my favorite things about going somewhere else is trying new food. That's also the downside, since new favorite treats cannot easily be accessed. But it gives me an excuse to go there again. In Banff is a Pastry shop that sells ice cream and a dessert called "Beaver Tail." The Beaver is a big part of Alberta culture, so the name is fitting. The dessert comes in a varity of flavors, but my friends and I opted for Skor and cream cheese. It was delicious! The pastry itself is rich and kind of sweet, but the skor, frosting, and caramel...divine.
The sushi in Banff was also tasty and well priced considering that Banff food can be a bit pricey.

 
It's nice to get out of the city, even if you don't go very far. See other sights, engage in different activites, and give yor senses something new to take in. We saw muesum exhibits, horses pulling tourists down the street and locals going on with their ordinary days. And I wonder if they ever take the time to see their lovely little towne the way we outsiders do.

Love getting real mail? Try Postcrossing

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A month ago, I signed up for a postcard exchange program provided by postcrossing.com. You can check out the website for more information, but this is the jist of how it works:
1. Sign up for an account (which is free)
2. Create a profile which includes your address and a little about yourself, including the types of postcards you like.
3. Mail your first postcard, and when a user registers the postcard number, you are then the next person to get a postcard.
4. Receive and register your own postcard.

For those wondering, these are real postcards. You can find postcards in dollar stores, post offices, or souvenir shops to send.

The site has hundreds of thousands of users, which makes it more fun, as a postcard can come from anyone in the world. I also like that the site encourages postcards rather than letters. Writing a letter to a stranger can be a little intimidating. You just don't know what to say. But a postcard offers a small space to say a little about you, like your hobbies. The task seems easier, since sometimes just putting your favorite quote is enough. And of course, it's fun to look at the different pictures of places and things around the world.

Last week, I received my first postcard from a site user :D
It was from a lovely lady named Eva, who lives and plays the violin in Budapest. Eva and I have one thing in common: we both love resting, when we are not busy. I think the card she sent is perfect. It gives me a chance to see where she lives. 

Monster Friend Series: The Zombie

Misery loves company and your zombie friend would love a sad-sorry-for-themselves companion.   They are the negative friend who usually has a negative lifestyle. But other than trying to help themselves, they find people who are overcoming a similar struggle to latch onto. Your zombie friend will make you think you can help them, if you try. But what the zombie really wants is to bring you down to their level. They prefer to be friends with people who “understand” them. But rather than let you help them, they lure you into the same lifestyle you’re trying to escape.

They use emotional triggers like the vampire, and do little for their friends like the ghost. Zombies fear being judged and that’s one of the main reasons they’d rather have you sabotage yourself. To them, you can’t judge if you’re just like them.
 
They can be very clingy, and often take advantage of people. They fear being alone, so when they see you trying to "get back to the living" a zombie friend will bring you back down. They can be enablers or they can exhaust you into trying to think you can save them, which leaves you no energy to help yourself. They're a little like the gremlin, in that they don't want you to prosper. But unlike the gremlin, the zombie friend isn't envious. They're scared of being abandoned.

If you’re coming out of a difficult situation, you need to stay away from zombies who want you at your most vulnerable. They know you’ll be able to relate to them, and they will try to undo all the hard work you’ve done. They aren't looking to be saved; they're hoping to pull you down with them.

Common characteristcs of zombie friends

• needy
• clingy
• manipulative
• self loathing
• negative

Other monsters
The gremlin
The vampire
The ghost
The werewolf

Monster Friend Series: The Werewolf

The werewolf is the person who has a nice side, but when they get mad…beware. The trouble is werewolf friends often have overly sensitive natures. You begin to feel like you have to tip toe around them because anything can set them off. They often have anger issues and large egos.

Werewolf friends can be physically mean but they can also cut you down emotionally. They may make snippy comments or mock you in openly. They have no problem humiliating and belittling people.

Werewolves like to be in control and they will try to control their friends either emotionally by making you feel bad, or they can be physical about it. They often feel powerless and thus seek to maintain power in their friendships. In their group of friends, they seek to be leaders and often are the ones who dictate what’s going to happen and when. If you have an uncompromising friend who is always deciding what the rest of the group members are doing, they could be a werewolf.

Werewolves rarely ask for anyone’s input and in their minds any contradicting opinion you have is wrong. They do not take criticism well due to their overly sensitive natures but they love dishing it out.

The werewolf when tame can make you feel like they’re nice. They are often full of fun ideas, or surprise you in some thoughtful way, but no one should be emotionally or physically abused. Werewolves are bullies and you don’t have to put up with the brash tantrums just to have a friend.


Common characteristics of Werewolf friends

• Aggressive
• Tempermental
• Moody
• Sensitive
• Insensitive
• Demanding
• Controlling

Other Monsters
The Vampire
The Gremlin
The Ghost

Monster Friends Series: The Ghost

The Ghost. Have a friend who is always disappearing on you? Do you have a friend who expects you to be there for them but when it’s their turn they make excuses or ignore you. Ghost friends rarely put in as much effort into the friendship as their friends. They dump on people a lot but they don’t emotionally invest in their friendships. Similar to the vampire, they can manipulate you and use emotional triggers to do things for them.

“I wouldn’t ask if I didn’t need the favor.”

“I really hope you can come because I don’t think anyone else will.”

When it comes time for you to ask a favor, they have a number of excuses for you. Ghost friends act as if doing anything for anyone is some big sacrifice. If they do help you out, you will hear about it when they again need something.

“Remember that time I helped you?”
“I’ve been there for you.”

They don’t do  anything out of their heart. What’s more they often show little gratitude for the things people do for them. But tell them no once, and they won’t forget it. They won’t remember your good, but they will remember the one time you couldn’t help them out.

Ghost friends rely on people, and usually pick people pleasers or push overs as friends. Stand up for yourself and say no. They don’t appreciate people’s efforts so there’s no point in killing yourself for them.


Common characteristics of ghost friends

• Manipulating
• Users
• Clingy
• Self absorbed
• Ungrateful

Other monsters
The vampire
The gremlin
The werewolf

Monster Friend Series: The Gremlin

The gremlin. These are your two faced back stabbers. Gremlins have two sides: the really sweet, cute, fun side and the mean, spiteful, side. Most Gremlins are users. They find people who have what they want and attempt to take it. They are never real friends. Even the vampire can make some effort to be a friend but not gremlins.

The major problem with them is that by the time you see what they’ve done, it’s too late. They are nice to your face, while they sabotage you behind your back.

 Example, they’ll tell you they’re so happy for you and your new guy, while they plot to take him for themselves.

Because gremlins appear loveable to most people, it’s harder to get people to believe you when you tell them they aren’t actually nice people. It’s also hard to see it for yourself, because everything they do on the outside looks so sweet.

For me, they are the worst type of monster friends because they play games with you and make it difficult to trust people after they leave. You start to wonder if a person is really nice or if they are just a gremlin who is stabbing you in the back. But a major difference between a gremlin and an actual friend is that gremlins don't do something for nothing. They either want something directly from you, or they do it keep up the illusion of them being nice people. A good friend won't keep track of the nice things they do for you, but a gremlin will.

The main reason is because all gremlins are users. They won't waste their time trying to be your friend unless they can get something from you. They have highly envious natures and often seek out people who they "admire" or feel they can use to get ahead in some way. Couple this with their dishonest core and you get a friend who is really an enemy.

This dishonesty also includes any compliment they give you. Gremlins often seem like flatteres. They often praise people, or pretend to act very sweet, but it's an act to get you to trust and like them. This makes it difficult to trap them but keep this in mind: because everything they do is an act, gremlins have no real regard for your feelings. They may say one thing, but do another. They cannot commit real emotions to their words of praise or their actions, so they will either over exaggerate or they will give away the fact that they actually want something from you... "I love your dress! Can I borrow it sometime."

Another tip is that gremlins often try to steal attention and credit for themselves. If you have a friend who always seems to be flirting with the guy you like, or acts as if she did all the work on a project, you may have a gremlin in your life.

They are liars whose main goal to sabbatoge you somehow. Everyone is fair game for gremlins, so don't think you're a special case when you befriend one. If they cheated one friend, they'll cheat you too.

This is perhaps the best way to sniff out the gremlin. Watch how they treat others. Are they overly sweet to a person's face, but gossipy behind their back? Do they often compare themselves to others? Have other people complained about them?

 The best thing to do when you find out you’ve been back stabbed by them is to call them on it. They can’t stand having people know their true selves so walk away from them but let them know that their little act is up.


Common characteristics of a Gremlin Friend

• Decitful
• Manipulating
• Boastful
• Slandering
• Users
• Pressuring
• Overly nice
• Selfish

Other Monsters
The Vampire
The Ghost 
The werewolf

Monster Friend Series: The Vampire

 

  The vampire. This is the most common type of monster friend. The vampire emotionally sucks the life out of their friends. They themselves are void and hollow of feeling so they entice others to feel for them. The vampire is the friend that makes everything a big deal. They are usually clingy, stating that they need you and they act emotionally unstable. Vampires provoke. They start fights or use emotional triggers on their friends. “I can’t handle things, I want to die.” “You know I need you.” Vampire friends are usually negative, but they aren’t all over dramatic. Majority of vampires are “sweet” people who hook people into over-feeling for them. Vampires can also make you feel guilty or bad about something good.

You: I met this great guy

Them: I hope he’s not like the last guy you dated

They take your emotions away because they lack their own.

Vampires often need to have people around. They don’t attempt to solve their own problems and they get a kind of high from people. If you hear the term “I need to be around people. I can’t be alone” You may have a vampire in your life. The vampire will suck out all your emotions until you have nothing left to give. Then they either replace you or begin quilting you for it. “I thought we were friends, how can you leave me?”  

The best way to handle a vampire is not give into them emotionally. Remember, they may act overly emotional but in reality they are hollow. Thus, they feed off of other people’s good and bad emotions. The more you give into them, the happier they are. Don’t do it. Help them within reason and don’t let emotional triggers trick you into pleasing them. If your vampire friend is going through a really tough time, help them find a resource but don’t be that resource.

Common characteristics of a Vampire friend

• Complaining 
• Manipulation
• Guilt baiting
• Sympathy seeking
• Attention seeking
• Provoking, usually in a negative manner
• Dishonest 
• Moody
• Self absorbed

Other Monsters
The Gremlin 
The Ghost 
The werewolf

All you can eat

We laughed, Amy and I, as we prepared ourselves for the stack of sushi we're about to consume at. All you can eat, suddenly felt like all I'd ever eat. Our tummies say no more, but our mouths water at the menu as we look for another compilation to torture ourselves with. I stuff sushi larger than either my mouth or belly in me, while Amy slurps noodles that have turned cold. It's the company, not the sushi I was craving.




The sparkling bubbles from ginger ale tickled my noise, while they soothed my over stuffed tummy. I would have gulped down this drink even if my belly was blissed, but the ache gives me an excuse. Ginger ale gives me the giggles. It's something sweet for a girl that usually prefers things spicy. There really isn't much ginger inside, not like homemade, but the dancing bubble and fizzy fun make me and my tummy and I happy.




The Rainbow Bakery, that's the name that hosts these desserts at a sweet price. My eyes consume desserts far more than my mouth. If I could, I'd have a glass cabinet full of delightful desserts Cupcakes, tarts, and little pastries look so lovely behind the glass counter at the bakery. I wish they would could keep forever. These ones were tasty, but I've never had a sweet tooth. I love desserts for their cute charm, and the way they can round off a perfect afternoon.

Always be a flower

In the search for love or friendship look for someone who see your beauty in all stages of your life. Look for someone who will say “I will be there when you are no more than a budding seed; I will be there when you begin to blossom, and I will be there when your petals begin to fall because no matter what you will always be a flower.” Don’t look for someone who only wants you at your best-- blossomed with your full beauty too obvious to miss. Their eyes will turn away when you are not a typical beauty. Don’t look for someone who wants you as a seed: fragile, vulnerable, and needy.  Their need to be depended on will make it difficult to grow and find your own sense of self. Look for someone who appreciates and see all your beauty and awe in each moment of your life.

An exciting feeling

There is something about making a new friend. It is a feeling that cannot be imitated. To feel a connection with another so different and yet so similar; to permit someone into your life, handing them a key to the doorway of your thoughts. It is mysterious and wonderful.

I believe the nicest thing I ever heard was "thank you for being my friend." Friends have a bond that is difficult to explain to others not in the relationship. They have their little jokes, their memories, their secrets. Someone becoming my friend means they are willing to be a part of my life and want me to be a part of theirs. The notion of becoming a part of someone's life story is quite flattering if you think about it.

Not everyone makes friends easily. Many struggle. They have trouble relating to people; they don't like the feeling of opening up and letting them in or they fear they may one day find themselves alone again, which is very difficult to deal with. Losing a friend can feel like losing a family member.

But to have even one person to talk to, even for a dash of time, is something worth cherishing and risking for.

To all my friends, thank you for letting me be part of your life story. Thank you for being a part of mine.

Blouse: Thift store

Jeans: Urban Behavior

Heels: Thift store

Clutch: Thrift store.

Belt: Jacob

Friends Without Benefits

We spend time with people for a number of reasons. Sometimes we ourselves can't pinpoint a reason but we enjoy the person's company too greatly to feel a need to analyze why we are friends with them (I personally love when I'm happy being around someone but don't know why). Sometimes we know exactly why we let that person in our lives. I had a friend who shared an interest in arts and culture, and became the person I would go see plays with. We didn't have much in common outside of this interest.

There are times however, when a friendship offers no benefits. Spending time with the person doesn't make you feel enthusiastic or happy. You don't come away after seeing or talking to them feeling like your day is improved. You may no longer have things in common. Or you may feel drained at the very idea of even having to spend time with them. It's not that there's anything wrong with you or the person, but the friendship itself is no longer beneficial to you.

Both parties need to find value in a relationship in order for it to be positively maintained. But if your friendship is not offering you anything, you will be less inclined to want to keep that person as your friend.

It's usually a personal feeling if you are in a unbeneficial friendship. You simply feel unhappy or dissatisfied. But sometimes you don't know why. You know you don't want to talk to the person, but you're not sure why. Below are some common reasons for why people pull out of friendships.

• You no longer value the same things ie. you're more focused on school and your friend wants to party and meet people
• Your friend offers too much advice rather than just listening ie. you call to vent and it turns into therapy session where your friend tells you what they assume is wrong with you
• You're bored. ie you always do the same things and talk about the same things and it's become too routine
• You can't see eye on subjects. ie a simple discussion turns into a debate on whose way thinking is more correct
• You always feel you have to help 
• Your friend doesn't support your goals and dreams
• You went a considerable amount of time without talking and have gotten used to them not being around

You can add value back into a friendship. If you're bored try suggesting new things to do. If you know your friend and you argue over certain topics avoid those subjects, or try seeing things from their perspective. Doing this will give you some new insight. But if your frienship offers you very little and you don't see any way to feel happy in it then you may have to let it go. If something isn't adding positively to your life, it really has no business being there.

2 weeks to loose a friend?

A friend of mine once said something that I didn't believe at first: It only takes two weeks to loose a friend. 

He meant, if you don't make an effort to contact someone for a full two weeks, you're friendship has changed and chances are they aren't your friend anymore.

I disagreed because I thought of how there are some people that I don't see or talk to for over two weeks but they mean a lot to me.

But one day I noticed something...all the people I didn't talk to for more than two weeks were aquantainces not friends. I contact my friends at least once a week. I have a guy friend who lives very far (another country) but we text, everyday. If more than two days goes by without doing so it feels as if something is off with both of us.

I also noticed that what the guy meant was not that your friends vanish, but that the friendship is tested. If you think about it, 14 days is a long time to go without contacting someone you consider a  close friend. An aquataince may be excused, but not a friend. After 2 weeks it becomes harder to pick up the phone and contact the person. You wonder why they haven't made the effort; you wonder why you haven't. Often one party is avidly trying to stay in touch and the other side is just casually ignoring you (or maybe not so casually). 2 weeks turns into a month and as the days move on you realize, you aren't friends anymore and maybe you never were.

I don't like talking on the phone but I'll text my friends, email them, make a date to see them. If I don't, something is wrong.

Two weeks to loose a friend seems silly, but if you really think about it, unless you had some good reason, would you really want to go more than a few days without talking to someone you care about? Wouldn't you like to know how they are and update them on your own life?

I think in this day, with so many forms of communication, it seems odd that you wouldn't give a quick hello to someone...unless you didn't want to.