Thursday, December 29, 2011

Change Me 2012

Change seems to be falling from the sky. I let it crash upon me without dodging. There is no time to ask for more time. Today is here. Yesterday is buried. All the yesterdays made a circle of 365 that tic toced away until before I realized I was standing in the exact place I had when the clock struck 12 last year. But I wasn't the same. Things aren't the same. Change fell. I let it fall on me. But I stand here feeling childish, like a school girl going to her first class for the first time. I felt, I had not grown. Time moved. I watched it, but I didn't move with it. Was it fatigue or was it fear? I can't tell. But my long sock are as higher in spirits than me.
The year felt shorter than my skirt, yet ballooned to exaggerate and falsify more .

I watched the days like a movie. Seeing the characters, me, play their part and only being able to watch. There is only one show playing, my life, and I can't do much more but watch and wait for a change in scene. Change is coming. I talk  back to the show, wishing the characters could hear me, the way you yell out during a horror flick "don't go into the basement." It's like when you cover your eyes at the scary parts, but behind your shut eyes you can still see everything that is happening. The show plays on whether you want to watch or not. The show doesn't end it simply changes. New roles, new lessons, new feelings, but the same show.

I try to kick away the school girl feelings. "Grow up" I say, "grow." Time is moving and you're still at the same place. My height is tall; my courage measures short. I still close my eyes at the scary parts. And like a backward Cinderella, I expect everything the be different at the stroke of 12. As if everything will be fairytale happy after screaming out New Year cheers. It won't. Like Cinderella things will go back to the same, unless I make a change. There will be change. Change is already falling and I'm not moving out of it's way. Come forth my tomorrow, my new year. Give me new lessons, new moments, something new. Give me change.

Check shirt: thrifted
Tie: thrift
Vest: Smart Set
Skirt:Urban Behavior
Knit Socks: Unknown
Heels: thrift

xox followers and readers.  Thanks for stopping  by

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