Sunday, February 26, 2012

Friends Without Benefits

We spend time with people for a number of reasons. Sometimes we ourselves can't pinpoint a reason but we enjoy the person's company too greatly to feel a need to analyze why we are friends with them (I personally love when I'm happy being around someone but don't know why). Sometimes we know exactly why we let that person in our lives. I had a friend who shared an interest in arts and culture, and became the person I would go see plays with. We didn't have much in common outside of this interest.

There are times however, when a friendship offers no benefits. Spending time with the person doesn't make you feel enthusiastic or happy. You don't come away after seeing or talking to them feeling like your day is improved. You may no longer have things in common. Or you may feel drained at the very idea of even having to spend time with them. It's not that there's anything wrong with you or the person, but the friendship itself is no longer beneficial to you.

Both parties need to find value in a relationship in order for it to be positively maintained. But if your friendship is not offering you anything, you will be less inclined to want to keep that person as your friend.

It's usually a personal feeling if you are in a unbeneficial friendship. You simply feel unhappy or dissatisfied. But sometimes you don't know why. You know you don't want to talk to the person, but you're not sure why. Below are some common reasons for why people pull out of friendships.

  • You no longer value the same things ie. you're more focused on school and your friend wants to party and meet people
  • Your friend offers too much advice rather than just listening ie. you call to vent and it turns into therapy session where your friend tells you what they assume is wrong with you
  • You're bored. ie you always do the same things and talk about the same things and it's become too routine
  • You can't see eye on subjects. ie a simple discussion turns into a debate on whose way thinking is more correct
  • You always feel you have to help 
  • Your friend doesn't support your goals and dreams
  • You went a considerable amount of time without talking and have gotten used to them not being around
You can add value back into a friendship. If you're bored try suggesting new things to do. If you know your friend and you argue over certain topics avoid those subjects, or try seeing things from their perspective. Doing this will give you some new insight. But if your frienship offers you very little and you don't see any way to feel happy in it then you may have to let it go. If something isn't adding positively to your life, it really has no business being there.

1 comment:

  1. I have had many 'friends with no benefits'. Mostly because we didn't fit together.

    Although, personally I think that The only exception for keeping a friend like this, is if for some reason they need you. Maybe YOU didn't get anything out of that friendship, but if you can serve them in some way and show them love, that's going to be something beneficial in their life.