Friday, February 10, 2012
How my friend and I saved our friendship
I have a friend that I see once a month. That's it. No more, no less.
Once a month we meet to eat and shop. We talk in between our meet ups, calling and texting regularly to say "how are you" or update if something major happens. But we don't see each other for a month.
It wasn't always like this. In fact, it's safe to say she's the friend I see most. We used to have random meetups each week; she's the friend that will visit me at least every other day when I'm in the hospital and she's the friend that I tend to see for the longest duration-- our hangouts run way over 3hours.
But when she needed her space and when I got more ill, the gaps between seeing one another began to grow. We still contacted each other, but neither of us could commit to a hangout. That happens in life. You see someone all the time and then one day you notice you barely see them at all.
To ensure that we didn't go months without seeing each other, she suggested we spend one day out of each month together. For the entire day it's just us, no double bookings, no squeezing each other in to have a quick catch up, just us for an entire day.
I honestly wish I had a similar setup with all my friends. For one, it's less pressure on both of us. We don't have to see eachother each and every week and think of new things to do, talk about, etc. I like knowing someone has designated a significant amount of time for me, instead of the "1 hour coffee meet-up." Because we talk in between then, we don't generally use the time to "update" each other. Instead, we are in the moment. We enjoy what is happening in the present.
For many, one month without seeing your friend is a long time, but her and I have such close bond that less has become more.